Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
