Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
