dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
