I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
