Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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