So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
