I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
