He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
