OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
