yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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