I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
