Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
