I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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