I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
