I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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