trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
