It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
