are you still at the devil's house?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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