Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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