He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
