dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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