i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
