Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
