imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
tell me about the fingering
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