I love black thongs
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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