Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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