We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
