WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
