She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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