Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
