I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
