You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
