I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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