I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
