I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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