They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
