I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
