haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
