Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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