What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
