Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
