Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
