Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
