Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
