i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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