captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
