just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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