literally had 100 drinks last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
