Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
