who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
