You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
