We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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