Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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