my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
