DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
