I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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