38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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