No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
