You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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