he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
