my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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