you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
