I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
