ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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