i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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